Trust is earned drop by drop, but lost like a kicked- over bucket
- Jakob Hysek
- 9 hours ago
- 2 min read
When I joined SAP, Bill McDermott was CEO. He used to say that trust is earned drop by drop, but lost like a kicked-over bucket, and this resonated with me ever since.
It's not often that one sentence forms such a clear picture in your head.
But it is not only the picture that made this truth stick. Think about one person outside your family in your life whom you trusted and who lost that trust. How long did it take to build up trust? How long to lose it?
Exactly.
That's why this saying sticks. It creates an image and we have all experienced it.
How Do FBI Negotiators Approach Lying?
I have followed Chris Voss and his Black Swan Group since I've read the book "Never Split The Difference".
Chris used to be "the lead international kidnapping negotiator for the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), as well as the FBI’s hostage negotiation representative for the National Security Council’s Hostage Working Group." (Source)
He was once asked if FBI negotiators ever bend the truth to make progress in negotiations. The answer is simple:
We don’t lie. Ever.
"In a hostage situation, someone might say, “I’ll come out if you promise to reduce my jail time.”
… I can’t promise that. That’s not my call. And if I try to fake it, I’ll do long-term damage.
If they figure out I’ve lied… It’s game over. Not just for that moment, but for every moment after."
Credibility is your currency. If you say it, you’d better be ready to do it. Because once that trust cracks, it doesn’t glue back together easily.
Or as I stated in the beginning: Trust is earned drop by drop, but lost like a kicked-over bucket.
Why am I talking about trust and negotiations?
Every exchange you have with others is a kind of negotiation. Either for something or about ideas.
Additionally, every exchange or conversation you have either fosters trust or erodes it.
So you better make damn sure you are ready to kick over that bucket of trust just to seem slick or try out a clever angle.
Remember, trust and with it your credibility is built drop by drop, but lost very quickly. So if you’re tempted to stretch the truth to get what you want, buy time, or keep someone calm, be ready to kick over that bucket or -
Focus instead on what you can do. Be honest about what you can’t.
And protect your credibility… Your future depends on it.
Do you have a current issue where you are not sure how to move on? Are you afraid you might take a wrong turn or course of action and need a sparring partner before you feel ready for your next step?
I can help you with that. The first step is always a conversation. So let us have one:
Let's address your questions in a 15-minute conversation and determine whether and how we can work together.
I look forward to hearing from you!
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